The Life and Times of a Bona Fide Homosexual

Hi there!  Today I’ve actually been semi-productive, if you can count ordering an early ballot as productive.

It literally takes five minutes, but I’m going to go ahead and pat myself on the back because it’s a step in the right direction.  In all seriousness, voting is important, everyone should do it (especially if you’re an American citizen right now), yada yada yada.

Taken from imamsonline.com

Oh, and I did go to church for the first time in forever.  It was purely to make my mom happy, but let me tell you, stepping foot in church was odd.  I felt like I was going to burn the second I sat down.

Why?  I’m gay.  Now, I know you can be gay and religious, but I’m not that kind of gay.  Once I accepted the fact that I fancy the ladies, my ties with Christianity were as good as crucified.  (Ha, ha.  Hopefully God doesn’t smite me for that one.)

Taken from carloswhittaker.com

I don’t think I ever truly believed in the Bible, anyways.  My sexuality just gave me a good excuse to duck out the back door.

After dozing off during a sermon about forfeiting all worldly pleasures in order to follow Jesus, Mom and I went to the movies.  We saw Nerve, the new thriller with Emma Roberts.

Taken from sarahscoop.com.  Just look at those eyebrows!  Dave Franco who?

Let me give you one word of advice, dear readers:  If you are a closeted gay girl, don’t go see Nerve with your mother.  It will be highly uncomfortable.

At least, it was for me.  There’s a scene where Roberts has to streak through a department store.  I could feel my face get beet-red, because my heart was doing little flip-flops and I was sure that Mom could feel the gay vibes rolling off my body in waves.

Don’t make any sudden movements, V! I told myself sternly, using every ounce of self-control not to grip the chair’s armrests in panic.  Just be cool!  God, why can’t you just be cool?!

In retrospect, I’m sure I could’ve just made a passing comment about how hot the guy in the movie was (he was streaking too), but that didn’t occur to me at the time.  And really, how could I possibly be paying any attention to him (Dave Franco, that’s his name, I just looked it up) when Emma Roberts was rapping Wu-Tang Clan and getting a tattoo?

Taken from blogarama.com.  How is she so cute?  How?  My tiny gay heart can’t handle it.

Honestly.I was not prepared for that level of adorableness from Emma Roberts.  And I thought it couldn’t get any better than when she played the narcissistic mean girl in shows like Scream Queens and American Horror Story: Coven!  In the words of Madison Montgomery:

Taken from http://www.reactiongifs.us

At one point my mom leaned over and pointed to another character, whispering, “He’s cute!” to which I replied with a strangled, slightly hysterical sounding, “Yeah!  Yes, ha!”

Stuff like this happens a lot when I’m with my family.  (I’m comfortably out to all my friends, just not my parents.)  Just the other day, we were all in the car and “Same Love” by Macklemore came on the radio.  Nonchalantly, I switched the station.  And “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry started playing.

Are you kidding me?  I was furious.  How could the two gayest songs in recent pop culture have been on two different radio stations, simultaneously? 

Taken from reddit.com

I swear, every time gay rights or the word “lesbian” is uttered on TV, I break out in a cold sweat.  It’s not great.  I should probably work on that.

I should also probably come out to my parents.  I’ve had girls over before under the guise that we’re just friends, and if I thought a three minute Macklemore song was stressful?  Let’s just say I was definitely not prepared.

Deep down, I think my mom knows.  She never asks me about boys anymore because I think she’s a little scared of what my response will be.  Once she found a flyer for an LGBT club under my bed and with a trembling voice said, “V?  You don’t think you’re -gay or anything, do you?”  Hell, she even called my therapist and asked her if I’d mentioned any lesbian activity.

Taken from imgur.com

(My therapist was horrified at the question and answered her with the standard I’m-not-allowed-to-disclose-any-of-the-information-that-my-clients-tell-me-in-our-confidential-sessions speech, but she does know about the aforementioned lesbian activity.)

I want to come out to my mom.  I really do.  But I don’t know how, and at this point in time I’m not sure if she wants me to come out, either.  She’s a small, very religious lady.

If I did come out, I think it would be once I’m halfway across the country at the Happiest Place on Earth.

Let me know what you guys think in the comments!

Until next time,

V

Back to School Jitters

Hello, my good friends!

[Crickets chirp]

I know, I know.  It’s been a while.  But, in my defense, I’ve been very busy avoiding the inevitable, shrugging off all my responsibilities, and being dragged kicking and screaming into adulthood.

All in a day’s work, for an eighteen-year-old, I’d say.

Gif taken from photofunky.net

Even though I’ve taken great care to push any and all stressful situations out of my mind this summer, my departure date for the Disney College Program is getting closer and closer.  I can almost feel the humidity.

In fact, I just finished up registering for two collegiate courses offered by Disney: Corporate Communication and the very intriguing Creativity & Innovation.  I’m thrilled that I was able to actually log into the registration website (www.dorms.disney.com seemed to have a lot of traffic today, considering that I tried to get on the minute they opened enrollment this morning) and sign up for the classes I wanted, but I’m less than thrilled that both classes start at 8:30 am and last for four hours.  I’m not a morning person, and I have the attention span of a gnat.

Gif from gifsec.com

But I’ll suck it up!  No sense in complaining about something you can’t change.

Actually, the early classes might be a blessing in disguise.  That way, I’ll have all afternoon to work.

What I’m even more apprehensive about is the possible avalanche of Disney homework assignments.  I need to work at least 35 hours per week if I want to get full credit for my internship.  By the end of the program, I have to hit 540 hours total.  If I don’t, I’ll lose credits and therefore lose my scholarship at NAU.  Yikes.

Taken from pinterest.com; This is basically who I’m going to turn into.  Especially because I’m almost positive that I’ll try doing homework by the pool at some point, and we all know that’s not going to end well.

I really can’t afford for these classes to take a big chunk out of my availability, and I also don’t want to be drowning in assignments while trying to work full time.  Even so, I’ve been emailing the Disney people like crazy with every little question I can think of and they’ve been extremely patient and helpful.  With luck, I’ll get a boss who’ll do their best to help me sort out any scheduling issues I might have.

I’ve been scouring the internet for any information I can on the Disney classes, but with no results.  Not a single blog entry, or Tweet, or Huffington Post blurb.  That being said, I’ll make sure to keep all of you future DCP hopefuls in the loop on how the classes pan out.

Now, the only big thing I need to do before I leave is register for housing.  Unfortunately, I can’t do this until about two weeks prior to my arrival date.  This makes me nervous.  What if there isn’t any available housing?  What do I do then, sleep in the supply closet of the Haunted Mansion?  (Do they still have that ride?  It was my favorite as a kid.)

Taken from playtivities.com;  Possibly my new home in Orlando if the whole Disney housing thing doesn’t work out.

Oh, well.  I suppose at this point all I can do is wait.

From what I’ve seen online, the Disney apartments look really nice.  Costing around $100 a month, the come fully furnished and include utilities as well as internet.  I’m under the impression that you have to share a room with another person (Just like freshman year, yay!), but then again, I’ve been wrong before.

I don’t mind this arrangement as long as my roommate’s not a total asshole, but like most people, I’d rather have my own space.  For one thing, I never know how people are going to react to the fact that I’m gay.  It certainly makes for an awkward conversation where it’s easy to offend someone.  (“I’m gay, but don’t worry, you’re so not my type.”)

Taken from realitytvgifs.tumblr.com; This is hopefully what my roommate will not be like.

For now, I suppose everything’s peachy.

Ciao!

-V

P.S.  Sorry for all the gifs.  I forgot they existed and then I got pretty psyched when I remembered they were a thing.